MeToo, still.

I’ve encountered many predators throughout my life.

Somehow, the deeper commonalities between them escaped me until last year.

Last year, I started developing a personal theory about power:

Power is the ability to define “we,”
and have your definition enforced.

I’d read Gavin de Becker’s The Gift of Fear many years before I began developing this theory. I was well aware that “forced teaming” is one of seven tactics used by persuasion predators to coax potential victims into ignoring their survival instincts.

Somehow, despite multiple encounters with various predators sexual and non-sexual, I’d spent my life believing “forced teaming” was limited to predation that culminated itself in sexual assault.

It took me weeks reflecting on a profoundly uncomfortable situation last year to realize that sexual assault is not itself the core objectification in assault, but rather one horrific expressed consequence of it: Continue reading “MeToo, still.”

Believe

In 2009, my Black now-husband told me the baby I was carrying–our baby–would experience racism someday.

I laughed him off. Racism? In Los Angeles in 2009? Was he confusing here and now with 1960s Arkansas? I figured it more likely he was hyper-sensitive than that racism was a broad present-day concern hurting brown-skinned people every single day in the U.S. of A.

Since then, I’ve seen and learned more about racism than I could ever hope to fit in a series of books, let alone a single post. I won’t even try, though I will tell you my oldest son was only three when I first saw him subjected to overt racism, and that he was only three when he started making statements reflecting that he was internalizing messages from classmates on darkness equaling badness. Continue reading “Believe”