the possibility of healing

Our stories are not meant for everyone. Hearing them is a privilege, and we should always ask ourselves this before we share: “Who has earned the right to hear my story?” If we have one or two people in our lives who can sit with us and hold space for our shame stories, and love us for our strengths and struggles, we are incredibly lucky.
— Brené Brown

Recently, I have worked to become ever more sparing about what and how I share. I’ve arguably over-corrected, failing to share specific concerns when doing so would actually have been wise.

I’ve known for several days that there’s something important for me to share here, but I haven’t been able to find the right, actually shareable words. I’ve tried getting at the “something” in a few draft posts, only to wordily wander far and wide, not to mention deep into narrowly-shareable territory.

I have learned so, so many things in the last few months of “rumbling” toward understanding. But as I reflect today on all I’ve learned, only a fraction of which I can yet match with appropriate words, I find that my key learning so far is this: Continue reading “the possibility of healing”

Choosing Comforts Wisely

On Sunday evening, inspired by an afternoon chat with my husband, I re-watched an eye-opening Brené Brown video. The first time I watched it, I mainly absorbed its core message on “Why Your Critics Aren’t the Ones Who Count.” This time, I locked on a specific nuance.

At about 16:40 in the video, Brown says that “clarity of values” is necessary for anyone committed to living in the arena. She names courage as one of her values, and says, “If courage is my value, I have to do this. Whether it’s successful or not is irrelevant.” 

This got me wondering how Brown identified courage as one of her values. Even more so, I wondered how on Earth I could identify mine.

I searched “Brené Brown finding values.” I found her list of values, but wasn’t sure what to do with them. I read folks’ examples elsewhere and got an idea how to proceed. 

First I wrote down every value that resonated deeply with me. I thought the list would be huge, but I captured fewer than a dozen words.

After I had the full list in view, a few clearly resonated less intensely than others: Continue reading “Choosing Comforts Wisely”