the beauty now

This morning,
I am laughing
at myself.

I haven’t been laughing
all morning, mind you;
quite the opposite!


Yesterday morning,
I was triggered by
something I saw
on Twitter.

Instead of walking away,
I dove in, despite my husband
saying, “Deb, please. You are
deep in trauma.
Get off Twitter.
Do not
do this!”

One hour ago:

Twenty hours and
dozens of grumpy tweets later,
I was side by side with my six-year-old
in bed.

He was waiting for me
to read to him.

“Just a sec, hon, just a sec,”
I said.

In my head, I was shouting,
“Someone said something
wrong on Twitter! I

This moment was
a turning point–one
where I started
to break
a smile.

I flashed back to
my husband’s
warning yesterday
and thought,
He was on to something!

I am like 
in the frequent cesspool
that is Twitter!

This led me back to
something my older son said,
about which I wrote in
a post I called
Turning points“:

“What’s PTSD again?”
he asked.

He answered his own question:

“Oh, right! It’s when you can’t tell the difference
between the past and the present.”

On Twitter,
in trauma, really)
I can’t
tell the difference
between the past
and the present:

Now falls away.

Seeing this,
I started laughing
at myself, and saw also
that the solution is the one
my husband proposed yesterday:



Seeing the difference
between (remembering trauma) now
and (living its sources) then,
I stepped out of
my ten-year-old self
and back into
this day,

I left Twitter
with a picture
and a handful of words:

“Now, time to back AWAY from remembered traumas & INTO this beautiful now ♥”

If I’m wise,
and kind to myself,
I’ll stay off Twitter,
at the very least
until I’m more skillful
at quickly noticing
I’m falling into the past
and thus losing
all the beauty

2 thoughts on “the beauty now

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